tumbled thoughts on being blessed
This has been an emotional week. Little Ava started her battle this week with cancer and I am alternately thrown from life-as-usual my kids drive me crazy to My God look what can happen I need to squeeze them and cuddle them all day long. I have moments of near paralyzing fear, when I look at Joey and Isaac on stage and think of sisters who don't recover and moms who die without warning and nieces fishing one moment and in the hospital the next. So... maybe I am a bit emotional. Throw pregnancy hormones into the mix and who knows what you might get.
I am revisiting in my mind a series of comments made at our Bible Studay this past Monday... I don't even remember the exact context, but we were talking I think about Brandy's kids in Ethiopia who are due to arrive home in August, or Lindsey's son from Ethiopia... anyways, it was the whole, "Your kids are so blessed/lucky" line of thinking. OK, so they are. Our Ethiopian children are blessed. Our biological children are blessed. I am blessed, as are you.
But I never want to dismiss the other side of the coin for our kids... along with their blessings comes great loss and heartache. Each of our children have lost parents, some have lost siblings, each have been uprooted from the beautiful country of their birth, of their heritage, of their family stories. The blessings that their lives are now come with challenges... not looking like their parents, for one. I don't mind too much (except on particularly bad hair days) that we get lots of looks everywhere we go... mostly they are great, kind, happy looks that remind me that our family is beautiful and special. But when our kids are teenagers and naturally going through that "I don't want to be seen with my parents"stage already, and then on top of that have to deal with all the extra looks and comments, especially on a day when a new pimple has sprouted or their voices are changing and squeaking... they may not be feeling that blessed. They may want to just blend in and be invisible once in a while, and for our families that's not easy.
Levi is happy now to say that he was born in Africa, in fact he will repeat this 10 times a day most days, and especially whenever we see an American flag. But at some point he will realize that there was a big life-altering moment in there for him really early on, and that for as much as he gained, he also lost a lot. I want to be there for him in that moment, not with false assurances of how blessed he is so don't focus on the negative, but with true, eyes-wide-open honesty into what could have been, what was, what is, and what that will all mean. With all my heart I believe that he has been chosen by God for a special purpose... for all that he's survived I know God's hand has been on him, closely guiding and protecting.
Life, blessing, loss, pain. This week is full. It is a God-week, full of all that God is full of. When I am overcome with emotion, hurting for the people who are hurting, I realize then in a very small way what God must feel to watch us, his beloved children, suffer. I am reminded, thankfully, that He suffers with us and wants always to protect us, that He knows the fullness of our pain and feels it right along with us, that we are not alone. And that because of all that we are blessed.
I am revisiting in my mind a series of comments made at our Bible Studay this past Monday... I don't even remember the exact context, but we were talking I think about Brandy's kids in Ethiopia who are due to arrive home in August, or Lindsey's son from Ethiopia... anyways, it was the whole, "Your kids are so blessed/lucky" line of thinking. OK, so they are. Our Ethiopian children are blessed. Our biological children are blessed. I am blessed, as are you.
But I never want to dismiss the other side of the coin for our kids... along with their blessings comes great loss and heartache. Each of our children have lost parents, some have lost siblings, each have been uprooted from the beautiful country of their birth, of their heritage, of their family stories. The blessings that their lives are now come with challenges... not looking like their parents, for one. I don't mind too much (except on particularly bad hair days) that we get lots of looks everywhere we go... mostly they are great, kind, happy looks that remind me that our family is beautiful and special. But when our kids are teenagers and naturally going through that "I don't want to be seen with my parents"stage already, and then on top of that have to deal with all the extra looks and comments, especially on a day when a new pimple has sprouted or their voices are changing and squeaking... they may not be feeling that blessed. They may want to just blend in and be invisible once in a while, and for our families that's not easy.
Levi is happy now to say that he was born in Africa, in fact he will repeat this 10 times a day most days, and especially whenever we see an American flag. But at some point he will realize that there was a big life-altering moment in there for him really early on, and that for as much as he gained, he also lost a lot. I want to be there for him in that moment, not with false assurances of how blessed he is so don't focus on the negative, but with true, eyes-wide-open honesty into what could have been, what was, what is, and what that will all mean. With all my heart I believe that he has been chosen by God for a special purpose... for all that he's survived I know God's hand has been on him, closely guiding and protecting.
Life, blessing, loss, pain. This week is full. It is a God-week, full of all that God is full of. When I am overcome with emotion, hurting for the people who are hurting, I realize then in a very small way what God must feel to watch us, his beloved children, suffer. I am reminded, thankfully, that He suffers with us and wants always to protect us, that He knows the fullness of our pain and feels it right along with us, that we are not alone. And that because of all that we are blessed.
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