Racism... laying down the gauntlet
Yikes. I'm sad today. I was part of a hard conversation... hard for me to listen to, and hard to think about. Some of my friends are trying to figure out where to send their kids to school, and having to contemplate all the statisitcs... including race. A tiny tidbit of the conversation went something like this... "it was better than I thought; at least (my child) won't be in the minority, as a white kid...".
Ok, I know, this isn't even a huge deal-- I'll be thinking the same about our black child, not wanting him to be the only black person in any room, any class, any church. But I think the thing for me was the distinctions... being reminded that people walk into a room and see color, not kids, and immediately size up value based on how white or nonwhite a place is. I wonder who, of our friends, will hesitate to let their (white) children date our black child... while they wouldn't hesitate to let Mason date their daughter (of course they wouldn't, I mean, he's such a cool kid! Ok, if they don't want their kids dating ANYONE in our family that's one thing... we're not the coolest, most athletic, most musical family... but if it's just about race, that's another thing...)
Ok, so if you're my friend, and you're reading this, and you feel that little hesitation in your heart, examine that (right after you go sit on gum and stick peanut butter in your hair). Can your white kid date my black kid? Senior prom may not be for 17 more years, but if it's gonna take that long to change your thinking, you'd better start now!
I know the classic excuse... "Oh, it's not that I have anything against black people, it's just that it'd be so hard for them to date because of what everyone ELSE would say and how they'd be treated by everyone ELSE". (Ok, so maybe this is what my parents said when I asked them, hypothetically, if I could date a black guy. None had asked me out, but a few had commented on my nice derriere and I thought I should prepare.)
So the time to make excuses about EVERYBODY ELSE is over. We ARE the "everybody else". And if we don't encourage our kids to ignore sterotypes and model that by doing it ourselves, when will the world ever change? I'm not talking about being colorblind. You can tell me all you want how beautiful my future child's mocha/peanut-butter/coffee/eggplant skin is, the same way you can admire Mason's creamy Casper-ness. I'm just talking about loving people for who they are, not what they look like, and not making any more excuses about assumptions you have and not wanting your kid to sit next to someone of another color because their parents might or might not be as educated as we are. 
The thing is, we may be educated, but when it comes to racism, we have a lot to learn.
Ok, Mama Tiger's retiring her keyboard for now. At least I don't feel sad anymore.
Comments
Personally, growing up as the minority, color did not matter to me with regard to friendship or dating. But I could tell it mattered to some people. I would occasionally get the ignorant comment of "Go back to China" when hanging out with my Asian friends. Or at school, "She must be really smart 'cause she's Asian." It hurt me so much when I received these types of comments. In high school, I had plenty of friends, was at the top of my class, and attractive (I think). But no one ever asked me out....ever. Unless I was just clueless and didn't realize I was being asked out at the time, which is possible. But I think it really did have to do with fact that I was not white.
Presently, I love my relationship with Roi. One of the things I admire about him is his open-mindedness and non-judgemental attitude. He says he doesn't even notice that we're different colors. All he sees is Patty, the girl he loves. I know I live life trying not to take notice either. I'll go to a country bar where I'm the only dark skinned girl there and all the men have mullets. Yeah, we get stares for being an interracial couple; but dammit, I love the music!
I have faith that descent people will be forced to confront their biggoted attitudes and make the right decisions when presented with the situation. And I pray that you do not loose any friends over this.
I love you and miss you.
My niece repeated a conversation she had with her friends when she was 5, it went like this. Her neighborhood friends asked her if she was black or white, she looked at her skin and said well it looks kind of brown to me. She didn't fit into an ethnic group or stero type becuase to her, at 5 years old, they simply didn't exist.
I think that even for some in our generation the questions you have asked are some that they have never had to contemplate before now.
If you have a boy, we are out, but a little girl count us in!!!
Love you!
Kimberly
Brandy
I hope that anyone who feels called out by this knows that you don't really mean to part ways, and they will approach you and ask to work together to unearth and get past their stereotypes and prejudices. Because they do love you and will love your baby, they most likely just don't recognize the prejudices in what they say.
We all have them in some form. No one can hide from the reflexes we've seen and heard in society. The hardest and most important part is to be honest and say, "This is something I need to change, because I don't really feel prejudiced, but what I just said was hurtful to you."
Anyway, enough ranting from your lil sis.
I love you and am always proud of you. I can't wait to see, hold, and love your lil Ethiopian baby. I'll totally let my future daughter date him, but only in kindergarten. That whole Old European trend of marrying a first cousin just weirds me out.
:) ;)
That said, this is a topic near and dear to my heart. When I spent the summer in Chicago on project, they began the summer talking about "racial reconciliation" and the summer was spent in large part creating a heart for diversity. As I mentioned to you before, it was a very different summer living as a minority but more just building a heart for living in an diverse world.
I grew up in western NY suburbia and knew very very little of other cultures. This is one of the reasons I love most living downtown. I want my kids to live in a diverse area. I love that other languages are spoken all the time. I love that when Ethan is at the Y, he plays with kids with all different ethnic backgrounds. And I will love having my kids play with your kids. Because it is so very important to me - as you mentioned - to love the kids for who they are.
I'm sure that you are at the beginning of quite an amazing journey in this vein. How awesome God is to begin your preparation for dealing with these issues now (as He continues to keep you patiently waiting...)
ps. blog more often.